I recently started following a blog by a woman who goes by the name FitDarcie. While catching up on her archives, one blog in particular stood out to me, because it’s a subject that I’ve thought about awhile ago, and always meant to get around to blogging about.
Her blog was about how she, inadvertently, became a “stalker,” once:
The Day I Became A Stalker
Funny story. And it reminded me of a few of my favorite childhood movies that seem to give very bad messages. It’s funny how this stuff just totally flew over my head as a kid but, looking back, it’s so obvious. It’s also a sign of the times, in how media has changed.
For example, Will BeTheBoy once brought this up on he & his wife’s weekly video chat in regards to the 80’s teen classic, Teen Wolf, which starred Michael J. Fox.
There’s a scene where Fox’s character is trying to tell his best friend that he is a werewolf. As he’s trying to get it out, the friend pauses and says:
“Are you gonna tell me you’re a fag? Cause, if you’re gonna tell me you’re a fag…I don’t think I can handle that.”
Word is that there is a remake of this film in the works. I’ll bet you anything that that line does not appear in it now.
But going back to the movie at the beginning of this blog. Say Anything, starring John Cusack and Ione Skye. One of my top 10 films, I remember my uncle Joe taking me to see this in the Beverly Center, one weekend.
Without getting into a long review, let me just say that Cusack & Skye’s characters start dating, and then she dumps him at the urging of her father. And then we see that he calls her 8 times, despite her not returning his calls, and (as seen in the iconic pose in the poster and dvd cover) he stands outside her bedroom window, holding up the radio, blasting a song (“In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, one of my all-time favorite songs).
Now, the excessive phone calls are bad enough, but standing outside her window like that, certainly that constitutes stalking, right? In real life, her father would have called the cops on him.
An even worse example of stalking in a “romantic” movie from my childhood is Valley Girl.
This is the film that jump-started my lifelong, completely heterosexual, man-love for Nicolas Cage. This is a similar storyline of a young couple from opposite social backgrounds, who fall in love, until the girl breaks up with the guy due to social pressure.
In this case, Cage’s character literally stalks her. He follows her on other dates (when she got back with her ex), to the movies and to a drive-in diner, camps out in a sleeping bag outside her bedroom window, and then even crashes her senior prom.
It’s just funny to look back and realize how blatantly wrong this behavior would be considered in real life, yet in these films it’s supposed to be romantic. These heartbroken guys are fighting for love. And it works! In each case, the girls end up taking the guys back.
So, that’s the message guys, if a girl dumps you but you still want her, just follow her around, and keep calling her, even park outside her bedroom if you have to, until she gives you another chance.
iBLOGalot 
LOL
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“In each case, the girls end up taking the guy’s back. ”
SPOILER ALERT!
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Oops…
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Two of my favorite films. Thanks for ruining them for me.
Nice new website, by the way.
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Uh, well, sorry ’bout that.
And thanks!
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Not your fault. I just won’t be able to think of good ol’ Lloyd Dobler quite the same anymore.
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Ha! I was thinking about that too. In movies it is romantic. In real life though, I currently have an ex who is stalking me. We broke up 13 years ago. He has a history of mental illness. It’s actually pretty creepy.
Now, if I liked the guy, thought he was attractive, maybe it would be ok. Neither Michale J Fox, Nicholas Cage or John Cusack are attractive enough for me to not think they were creepy if they were stalking me.
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I wouldn’t want any of those guys stalking me either. However if Angelina Jolie wanted to call me all the time and hide outside my bedroom window that might be okay. 🙂
But seriously you should be careful about that ex, especially if he has known mental problems.
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Yeah I think I’d let Angelina stalk me too. 🙂
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Me too!
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Interesting analysis J.R. I’ve only ever seen Say Anything, and you’re right, I’d never thought of it that way. Even the phone call thing was supposed to be funny, where she and her father were listening to him on the answering machine while he was talking and he knew they monitoring the call. But the standing outside her window thing is definitely creepy.
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And, if you recall, the reason he made that final phone call is because he two best female friends insisted that he should. He even says “I draw the line @ seven un-returned phone calls,” but they tell him to keep trying.
It’s a funny dynamic. When he first gets dumped, he asked some guys what to do, and they all unanimously tell him to just forget her and move on. While the girls all tell him to keep trying to win her back. Which is what leads to the stalking.
The more I think about it, the more twisted it is.
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I can’t belive you forgot to meant the worst example or romanticizing stalking in a movie ever:
SUPERMAN RETURNS!
They had Superman, the icon of truth, justice, and all that stuff, floating above Lois Lane’s house, using his x-ray vision and super-hearing, to watch and listen to her and her boyfriend having a private conversation in their kitchen. How screwed up is that?
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You’re right! I probably should have added that one. That is a total case of stalking by The Man Of Steel.
I guess the difference is, I immediately knew when I first saw the movie that this behavior was bad. Heck, the whole movie was bad. With Say Anything and Valley Girl, I never thought about how inappropriate the men in those movies were when I first saw them, or in any of the dozen times I’d re-watched the films over the years. It was just about a few months ago when I thought about it and came to this realization.
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The closest thing to stalking that I’ve ever experienced was my ex-bf of last year…
He dumped me. A week or two later, he realized his mistake, and he tried so hard to get me back. But, the problem was, the more desperate he was, and the more desperate his actions, the more I wanted to get away from him.
Some days, he’d call me somewhere between 15 and 30 times! Occasionally, it would be late night/early morning, when I’m sleeping.
He tried re-adding me on Myspace, as well as on Facebook. Even when I had him not added on Facebook, he messaged me at least once. I ended up blocking him from both. I’m freakin’ relieved that he never calls me anymore and such. I think he finally gave up.
It wasn’t entirely into “OMG SCARY” territory, but it was very annoying, and I know well it could’ve turned into something bad. I’m glad I got the hell out.
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Sheesh, some dudes are nuts.
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Wait a minute, so are you trying to imply that stalking is_not_ romantic?
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Yes, that’s what I’m saying.
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I wish you’d have told me this before the three restraining orders.
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Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I’ll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I’ll be watching you
I remember reading an interview with Sting, where he said that he doesn’t understand how that song has become romantic to so many, with people having it played at their weddings and such, when it is clearly about someone who is obsessed with someone else and is following them around.
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Yep, I love that song (& Sting & The Police in general) but that is a total theme song for stalkers.
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When I was a kid back in Soviet Russia (love the intro already?), my dad commissioned a video guy to do film me running around the kindergarten and playing with the other kids, and all that fun jovial stuff little brats do.
But with parents using this track as a theme song, it’s okay. They’re my parents, they’ve seen almost all.
Grown people and weddings? Holy shit.
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And then, of course, there’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me,” Sting’s ode to teachers who attracted to their young female students.
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There is also another Nick Cage movie, City of Angels, which could be interpreted as glamorizing stalkerish behavior. Cage’s character falls in love with Meg Ryan’s character because he’s been following her around, watching her every move, even in private. But we’re supposed to think that’s okay because he is, after all, an angel.
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Dang, you’re right, that’s another one. And that’s also one of my favorite Nicolas Cage films. I even remember, before I saw the film, I read a review of it where someone called it stalking, but I forgot about that by the time I saw the film myself.
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But hey, that was successful stalking… except when she died
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Sure, that’s the thing in all these film, the stalking always works. Which is a really strange message to send.
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This isn’t stalking but I think it’s fitting for the conversation. Just this past Saturday evening I got a call from a guy I met….2.5 years ago. Telling him that I didn’t remember him AND that I have a boyfriend who I’ve been seeing for over a year was not enough to dissuade him from asking if I was planning to go to the club we met in soon. The conversation went on for 15 minutes before I finally said, I need to go. Dude, if you’re interested in a girl, I believe the rule is 3 days, not 3 years.
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Maybe he lost your number, and just now found it again.
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Ha!
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Hm, I’ve never had a stalker per se, but definitely exceedingly persistent guys. One guy, after I’d asked him not to call/email/try to see me, etc., one day out of the blue he sends anonymous flowers to my office. It was his way of “contacting” me but still following the rules. I asked my boyfriend at the time if he’d sent flowers, but he didn’t. (Good way to make a guy jealous, but of course this guy did not care.) I decided they must be from a publicist. But then I called the florist and they asked him permission to say who it was and I found out. Man, that was a long story. Sorry. But anyway. And they were ugly, cheap flowers. Still, I’d been hoping they were from my boyfriend at the time. He didn’t even give me a Christmas present or invite me to his 30th birthday! I probably should’ve stuck with the flower guy!
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Hey Olivia! Sorry about your issue…and no xmas present…that really sucks! Sucks how we get ALL the attention from the lunatics, but not from the sweeties we’re looking for!!!
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I just remembered another stalker story. A real one. Like followed me around and everything. But it turned out that some other girl told him that I wanted him to wait outside everywhere I went. Not really his fault, but he was beat up for it anyway.
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You beat him up?
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Not me. Some guy who was defending my honor. Then he asked me to give him $100 for doing it.
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Guilty!
Yes, I hate to admit it but I stalked. I would drive by her house in the middle of the night to see if she was telling the truth about being home… she wasn’t. I did it more to convince myself not to care. Instead I was mad and hurt, but still cared. I hated her for it and that helped me get over it.
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The most I could say that I have done may be “cyberstalking.” Y’know, checking out someone’s Myspace page, to see what they’re up to.
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i kind of was like last year. this girl used to know everything about me before my friends did… it was scary… she was kinda my friend.. but then it was just creepy..
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This topic has touched a nerve that I didn’t expect when I posted it. Not only here, but from private messages I’ve gotten via Facebook & Myspace about this blog, I’ve discovered that quite a few people have instances of stalking in their lifetimes. Mostly woman, but some men too. Thankfully, most of it never reaches the level of danger.
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[…] her, even if it means following (stalking) her around. I’ve written about this before in WHEN “STALKING” LOOKS ROMANTIC, and the mixed messages that romance films often send. The reason I bring this up is because I […]
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