I almost wish I could buy a pair of high heel shoes that would fit me (Men’s Size 15, Wide) and wear them for one day, just to see what it feels like. This is because I’ve never understood the concept or appeal of high heels, or why women wear them. They just look so uncomfortable to me. I was noticing one of my female coworkers today, as she came walking back into the warehouse where I work, and it just struck me as watched her walking in her high heels. She’s walking on her tip toes, with her heel elevated by a mini-stilt. How is that comfortable? And what’s the purpose? I’m amazed that someone invented the high heel shoe in the first place, like what was the reasoning behind this invention and, more importantly, why did the masses of women embrace this concept? This may be one of those universal mysteries that we’ll just never find the answer to. Like what’s the meaning of life?

Speaking of shoes, it’s funny to how important shoes are to so many women. Women and shoes are like men and cars, they obsess over these things. I know women who have dozens of different pairs of shoes, and when getting dressed will fret over making sure they have the right shoes to go with whatever outfit they’re wearing, it’s a really big deal to them. Meanwhile I’ve got one pair of Black sneakers that I wear most days. And they go with everything.

This isn’t to say that plenty of men don’t go nuts over their shoes, particularly sneakers. The literal riots that have happened over the past several decades whenever new Michael Jordan sneakers get released, and the insanely high prices people are willing to pay for them, and kids getting robbed and even killed for their sneakers, proves that. I guess this is all so alien to me because of the fact that I’ve always had larger than average feet, so I could never be too picky about shoes, even if I wanted to be. All my life I’ve pretty much just had to take whatever I could get, so I just never developed any special interest in shoes as a fashion accessory, shoes are simply functional to me. Do they fit and protect my feet? If so, that’s good enough for me.

But then, going back to the issue of shoes as a type of physical enhancement, I know there are guys who get turned on by the types of shoes a woman is wearing, specifically high heels. There’s the phrase “F**k Me Pumps” where if a woman is wearing a certain kind of heels that’s supposed to imply that she’s ready for sex. I don’t get that, either. But I know it’s prevalent, because over the years I’ve seen a lot of porn scenes where the woman keeps her heels on during sex, being otherwise completely naked. That must be done for the benefit of the viewers, although every time I see that I scene I can’t help but think how uncomfortable the woman must be with those heels on. But I suppose that if I were a foot fetishist, then that would be hot.

But I just don’t get foot fetishes. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t any kind of moral judgment, I tend to avoid that when it comes to sexual preferences. Whatever it is that you’re into, if you can find another person that’s also into that thing, then good for you. As long as we’re not talking about the dangerous stuff, like auto-erotic asphyxiation, then whatever floats your boat. But, really, what’s sexy about feet? Of all the parts of a woman’s body to be turned on by, feet would be at the bottom of my list. I can understand being a Breast Man (like I am), or an Arse Man, or a Leg Man, or let’s say even being turn on by a woman’s neck, but not feet. Feet are gross.

Just my opinion.