Hey you! Yes, YOU! It’s that time of the year again, so you know what that means? It’s time to spend money!

So what are you waiting for? Go spend money! Lots and lots of money! Buy things! Buy lots of things! Don’t worry about the price of anything, retailers across the country are slashing prices, giving discounts, & bringing back layaway (don’t bother reading the fine print about interest rates and late fees, that will just confuse you). That’s because it’s the start of the Christmas season, which means you need to buy presents for all of your loved ones. If you don’t give them gifts, preferably EXPENSIVE gifts, then how are they going to know that you love them? So spend money! You don’t want people to think you’re CHEAP, do you?

And don’t let anyone fool you with any talk about how the true spirit of Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, they’re probably just communists. There’s no better way to honor Christ than by spending as much money as you can. And by doing so, you’ll be doing your part to stimulate the American economy. And you ARE a PATRIOT, aren’t you?!?

Of course, this isn’t all about other people, you can also spend money are yourself. If there’s something you want, you should get it, whether you actually “need” it or not. Come on, dig into those savings, get out your checkbook, max out those credit cards (you can always pay them off later), baby! If your boss gives you a Christmas bonus this year, think of that as “found money”, which means it needs to be spent. Hey, you’ve earned it!

Come on, we’re all in this together. Don’t let the 1% have all the fun. Let’s show those greedy rich bastards that the other 99% of us can also enjoy our money.
So SPEND! SPEND! SPEND!

It’s the American Way!