WARNING: SELF-PITYING RANT AHEAD

Today is payday. Although it seems like I’m the one doing all the paying. I have direct deposit, so I wake up and get online and check my balance and see then it’s time to go down the list and start paying bills. By the time I’m done half my paycheck is GONE.

It doesn’t help that I seem to be on this “lucky” streak where every time I turn around some new financial emergency hits me. And a lot of it has to do with my dang car. Sometimes I wish I lived in a place like New York with a reliable subway system or other public transportaion, but out here in L.A. I need a car, mostly to get to my job. But this car that I’m still paying for ever since my last one got smashed still gives me grief.

First in August I had to get my brakes fixed. That was around $700. Then in September I get a bill for around $700 for some tests my opthamologist gave me for my ocular hypertension that my insurance didn’t cover. Then last Wednesday as I’m trying to leave work to go home, my car won’t start. So I call triple A to get it towed to the nearest auto shop and they say I need a new battery. That’s around $140. Then last Friday I knew I ran over something on the freeway on my way to work. It was some kind of board just right there in the middle of the thing, I didn’t see it in time because it was crowded and all I could see was the car in front of me, and it drove right over it in the middle but I bumped over it on my right side. I got to work and my tires looked fine. But then when I came back out to leave 8 hours later, my front right tire was flat. I guess it had a really slow leak. So I called triple A to replace it with my temporary spare, then drive to the nearest Firestone place for a new tire, and that’s another $140. I get home, that’s it. I don’t go anywhere that weekend.

Then Monday when I’m leaving for work, I see that my left right tire is flat now. It’s my own fault. When I was at the place on Friday I briefly thought about asking them to check that tire too while they were at it, since I knew I’d ran over that same board with both tires, but I just wanted to get home since I was already out late. But obviously I should have. So I called Triple A again, have them put the temp spare back on, and drive to work. After work I go back to the Firestone shop and that’s another $140 for a new tire. And I was stuck there over 2 hours this time, because they were busy and couldn’t get to my car right away. I know these sound like little things, but they add up. I’m like, dang, c’mon, can I get a break already?!?

Yes, I know, compared to many other people I’m doing pretty well. I’ve got a steady job and a roof over my head, so I should count my blessings. And, believe me, I’m trying to remind myself of that. But it’s not always easy. Sometimes it just feels like, what exactly am I living for?!?