Long Distance Relationship Advice

Long-Distance-Relationship

One topic that comes up on a semi-regular basis in the various dating and relationship forums on Reddit that I frequent is in regards to Long Distance Relationships. Like the other day a woman submitted this, under the title IS IT WORTH IT?:

Talking to this dude who lives about 10 hours from me. We started talking through a mutual friend who used to live near him and now lives near me. We’ve been chatting and get along well, we have a lot in common, but with such a long distance I don’t know if it is really worth pursuing, he can come visit some due to his job but the long distance thing is hard. Should we just end it now to prevent feelings?

Interestingly, the subject is almost always brought up similar to this. By that I mean it’s someone asking about another person whom they’ve met recently, either online or in real life, whom they would like to begin a relationship with, but is hesitating because of a distance between them.

And I always give the same advice for starting a Long Distance Relationship:

dont-do-it

Seriously, just don’t.

Relationships can be tough enough without adding all of the inconvenience and drama of being separated. And that’s even under ideal circumstances, which is when a couple already has a long established relationship and then a separation comes. And the separation is for a pre-determined set length of time, which is hopefully not too long. But when a couple is actually trying to build a new relationship and they’re not physically together? Forget it.

I speak from experience. I tried it once. About 8 years ago, with a woman that I met on Myspace (shut up). She lived in a different part of my state, which required a short plane ride to see her. For about 3 months everything seemed like it was going well, we’d communicate through Myspace a lot, and talk on the phone several times a week. I’m talking about 3-4 hour conversations at a time. But still she ended up getting back with her ex-boyfriend. The way she handled it sucked, but I won’t get into that now. But still I always felt that the biggest strike against me in that situation was that he was there. Physically there. And I wasn’t.

We would have to make plans long in advance to see each other, because that involved buying plane tickets. There was no casual “let’s get together for drinks after work” But he was much easier, she could see him anytime. Don’t underestimate the importance of physical proximity in a relationship.

far_away

Maybe if we’d had more history together beforehand, things could have been different. But that’s why I say that the best chance for carrying on a Long Distance Relationship would be if the couple already has an established relationship. It also helps if the separation is for a specific period of time, and not just open-ended. Meaning that it’s understood that either the person who moved away will be returning at a certain time, or the person who stayed will be moving to where the other person has gone at a certain time. And that needs to be worked out in advance, so it’s not an issue later.

LDR’s also require 100% absolute trust. Because you’re not there, so you need to trust that other person or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

But although I’m sure most of you reading this can think of some couple who were long distance, and everything worked out great for them (maybe YOU are or were in one), I would consider those to be exceptions to the rule. I still advise against it.

LDR

Just my opinion.

  2 comments for “Long Distance Relationship Advice

  1. December 16, 2015 at 2:46 PM

    I’ve been in two, first, went down in flames. Said I’d never do that again and would have recommended the same as you. Then I met a girl who sounded perfect who lived not just a short plane ride away, but three flights and in another country. Two years later we’re married.

    Maybe we’re just an exception to the rule, but I think it’s more than that. It takes a certain mindset to be able to successfully conduct one, and going in with an understanding that it’s gonna be friggin hard, painful, and time consuming. The very nature of them I think requires a lot of patience, taking the time to slowly build a friendship THEN a relationship. As you said, 100% trust is crucial.

    I wouldn’t say never do it, just be careful, and know it WILL be tough. It is incredibly rewarding, and very much worth the time, effort, stress, and tears.

    Though I would definitely agree it’s not for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • December 16, 2015 at 6:31 PM

      Another country?!? Dang. Yeah, I would say you’re exception to the rule. But maybe I’m wrong (it’s been known to happen once or twice). But, anyway, thanks for reading and sharing your experience, I’m glad it’s worked out for you!

      Liked by 1 person

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