If you’re reading this, how are you?
Seriously, whomever you are, wherever you are, whatever you are, I hope you’re doing well. I lot of people I know seem to be struggling right now, some just mentally. And I can relate. I’ve been feeling pretty blah myself lately. And sometimes it’s hard to pin down the exact reason for it. It’s just the state of the world in general.
It’s hard to believe this damn virus is still a thing. Earlier this year I was happy when the vaccines started rolling out. I was optimistic that there was finally a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I got my first shot in March, as soon as I was eligible (thanks to technically working in the “health care industry” ) I remember joking about how I couldn’t wait to go out and touch and breath on other people again. Two weeks after I got my 2nd shot I made a point to go out in public for a “non essential” reason, something I haven’t done since March of last year. That Saturday I took a Lyft to the Beverly Center and from there walked to Melrose Ave, this is where I used to hang out on weekends in my late teens/early 20’s, it was good to be back out around folks (still wore a mask, of course). I walked to Pinks Hot Dog stand, but there was a long line, so I went to a McDonalds and got a burger and fries, which I’d also hadn’t had in over a year. I was going to keep going up to Hollywood Blvd. after that, but was getting tired of walking (I’m not that teen who could walk around all day with ease anymore) so I took a Lyft back home after that. But it was nice to be out, I was feeling good, taking pictures and posting them online, with my friends all commenting along on my little “adventure.” Again, it felt like this pandemic nightmore was going to be coming to and end, and we would be resuming our lives soon.
And yet here we are, 4 months later. A significant number of our population refuses to get vaccinated, and doesn’t want to wear a mask or social distance either. I just don’t get it. Hospitals are being overrun. School children are being unnecessarily exposed. People are dying! And it still doesn’t convince some people to take this seriously! There are state governors not only refusing to encourage vaccines or issue mask mandates, but actively trying to prevent schools or businesses from choosing to do so. It’s like they want to kill their constituents.
Speaking of Melrose…
This is Jayron Bradford, a 26 year old man who was shot in killed, allegedly by a 16 year old boy, in broad daylight on a Wednesday afternoon, in front of the shoe store that he worked at, which is on Melrose Ave. That death shook me. It’s a tragedy for a young man to die for such a trivial reason at all. But that it happened on Melrose really shook me. I always felt safe there, what’s happening to that neighborhood?!?
And just so much other stuff. Every day that I drive to work I’m passing various homeless encampments, some in tents right on the sidewalks of major city streets. It both saddens and infuriates me that this even exists. This is the United States of America, where we currently have 642 individuals who are worth over one billion dollars, even during this pandemic, the super rich are just getting richer, yet we have people who literally living on the street. And yet we’re just supposed to accept that this is how things are, because capitalism is awesome.
The U.N. released a report that said, btw, y’all know that whole climate change thing scientists have been trying to warn you about for the past 30 years or so? WELL NOW WE’RE FUCKED. Thank you very much.
We’ve also got the Afghanistan pull-out, hard to see that as anything other than a disaster. And is it any wonder I have this feeling of constant anxiety? It just feels like the world is falling apart and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Plus, on a personal level, this just hasn’t been the easiest month. Money’s been tight, although things should pick up next month. Work’s been insane. And, for those who know about me and Emma, unfortunately there’s no good news there. We’ve had some sporadic contact, but I told her I wouldn’t see her again unless and until she sought out some professional help to try and get sober. Meaning she needs to join AA or some other program, because I know she can’t do it on her own. I told her I’m willing to be there for her, for emotional support, as long as I know that she’s trying. I don’t expect miracles, I know she won’t recover overnight, but if she’s not even going to try, then there’s nothing I can do. I haven’t heard from her almost 2 weeks now, so I’m not optimistic. I still think about her every day, wondering what she’s up to. Some days it hits me harder than others. I really just need to get through this month.
But I don’t want a pity party. I know I’m still better off than many people. I have a roof over my head and a steady job, and my relative health. So I shouldn’t complain too much. I hope you’re all doing well, and if you’re feeling down that you have someone to talk to, professional or otherwise. Whatever difficulties you face will pass. Take care of yourselves.