ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS. ZOMBIES

Yes, this is a real movie, and I own the dvd. Someone posted a link about it on Facebook back when Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter came out, and I looked it up on Amazon and bought it for $10. It was one of my infamous impulse-buys. I just finally got around to trying to watch it today and…well, @ least it was only $10.

It opens with Lincoln as a young boy, and he is forced to chop his mother’s head off, because she somehow became a zombie. Years later, he’s President, and the Civil War is raging. A regiment of Union soldiers was sent to capture some Confederate Fort, but only one soldier makes it back to Washington alive, and he’s telling stories of the undead coming back to life and eating people. The War Secretary things he’s just crazy, but Lincoln knows the truth, and he ends up gathering a group of Secret Service agents to personally lead them back to the Fort to fight the zombies.

@ the Fort they meet Confederate General Stonewall Jackson, who thinks the zombies are just “sick”, but is eventually convinced to join with Lincoln. One of the Secret Service agents is named John Wilkenson, and he mentions that he hopes to go back to being an actor when the war is over, so I immediately figured out that he’s supposed to be John Wilkes Booth. Then there’s a couple of prostitutes, one of whom had an affair with Lincoln years before he became President, and a young boy who turns out to be Teddy Roosevelt and then I pretty much gave up. I soon realized that I had mentally checked out of the film, and it was just playing while I was mostly on my computer, so I stopped it @ 44:44. I don’t care how it ends, it’s a waste.

The biggest problem was the cheap zombie make-up. I’ve seen better looking zombies @ Elementary School Halloween parties. One person I will single-out for praise is lead actor Bill Oberst Jr. as Lincoln. He did a good job, with what he was given. But that’s it.

TWO THUMBS DOWN

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