I’m sure must of y’all have read about this news story from last week:
Kansas court says sperm donor must pay child support
William Marotta answered a Craigslist ad from a lesbian couple seeking donated sperm.
The couple say they performed artificial insemination at home, court documents show.
Marotta says he signed an agreement to waive his parental rights.
But a Kansas agency says the agreement isn’t valid because a doctor wasn’t involved.
I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. I can understand Mr. Marotta’s position. On the other hand, I can also understand the State’s position. I also feel bad for the now-four-year old girl in the middle of this, as it’s going to be one interesting story for her to have to read about when she gets old enough to understand it. The whole thing is a big mess.
But I’m not really going to talk about this specific case, what it’s got me thinking of is the general idea of sperm donation and also surrogate motherhood. And I have to say that I don’t really support the idea.
NO, I am NOT saying that it should be illegal. Let’s make that VERY CLEAR. I’m no Republican, I don’t believe in forcing my social beliefs on others. I’m just saying that in my opinion, it’s not that great. I understand that I’m coming from a different place than most, as I’ve said before that I don’t want to have children even though I love children. I just don’t have that inner drive to procreate and carry on my genes or whatever. So I concede that I can’t really understand how strong that desire is among other people. But it does seem a bit odd to me that childless by choice people like me are often the ones called “selfish” for this. And, hey, I freely admit that a large part of my decision is based on selfishness. I don’t want to make all the lifestyle sacrifices that I would have to if I were to become a father. So I’m never going to do it. But how about the people who go through this extraordinary medical procedures to have a child? All to have a biological child or children, isn’t that selfish?
I mean, why not adopt? Particularly if you’re someone who is unable to conceive a child through natural means, why not just accept that it’s not in the cards for you, and adopt a child who is already here but has lost their parents? Whether you’re a heterosexual couple where the male is sterile or where the mother is infertile or physically unable to carry a child to term, or if you’re a homosexual couple, two men or two women. Instead of going through all of these other means, sperm donors or surrogate mothers, just so you can have a biological child, why not share your love with a needy child who is already here?
Of course I realize that adoption isn’t easy either, and that it’s not necessarily an option for homosexual couples, which is why I fully support marriage equality and for homosexual couples (& singles) having the right to legally adopt children (neither of which is currently legal in Kansas). But if it IS an viable option for you, than I’d say that should be the first consideration. But I think the reason so many infertile couples try surrogacy or sperm donation is because of that drive to have a biological offspring, and I think that can often be a “selfish” motive. Makes me wonder about the people who are so quick to judge people like ME for not wanting children, what’s your real reason for wanting to children. Is it to experience the joy of parenthood and to raise decent human beings who will be positively contribute to society, or is it just that you want to have little mini-me’s walking around? I think if people were being a honest, a lot of parents really just wanted an extension of themselves.
With over 7 billion humans on this planet it’s not like under-population is a problem here. If anything it’s the opposite. We could do with a lot less people having children, or at least having fewer children. So instead of going out of your way to create new ones, consider taking care of one that’s already here and needs to be loved? I’m just sayin’…