One of my Facebook friends, Lezli Robyn posted this little “Public Service Announcement” on her page today:

So, FYI fellas, dick pics are NEVER a good “get to know you” introduction for me, even if it was through a dating website, and especially not here on facebook. Now I am ALL FOR flirting with your crush to see if your interest is returned (or alternatively discover your interest is already dating someone else) and then choosing to send pics, because flirting is VERY sexy and definitely helps ascertain if you have some wicked chemistry…BUT have you ever noticed we wimmenfolk do not introduce ourselves by sending you photos of our aroused vaginas. That is because, as I just talked about with a friend, for a woman a simple flirt like someone’s thumb stroking our hand for the first time, making our heart skip a beat (or a thoughtful tentative flirty sentence, if online), is soooo much sexier to us (usually) than a crude introduction that is all about YOUR pleasure, not ours. Dick pics implies selfishness and arrogance–neither attractive traits to us, even to women who are very sexual by nature. End of public service announcement.

Well-said! BTW check out Lezli’s books on Amazon.

As someone who has a penis, but in 40 years has never felt the slightest inclination to send a picture of it to some woman, especially one I don’t even know, this particular bit of male behavior has long baffled me. But this post made me wonder…has this EVER worked?!?

I mean, apparently 99% of women online have received at least one unsolicited dick pic at some point (and the other 1% probably just haven’t checked their spam folders), so I figure, just considering the law of averages, it has to have worked once or twice, right? Millions of men think this is a good possible “opener” to meeting women, so where are they getting that idea? They must have heard some success stories, even as urban legends, I assume?

Somewhere, someplace, there must be at least one dude who got a positive response from a woman he sent a dick pic to.

I think about all the couples I know. Or just the couples I see in public. Dating, married, whatever. The happy-looking couples, holding hands and smiling. Have any of them began by the sending of a dick pic? I guess it’s possible, although I assume that they would come up with some other story for how they met…

Congratulations on your engagement!

Thank you, we’re so happy!

So how did you two meet?

He sent me a dick pic on Instagram.

Oh…kay.

Or maybe…

MR. JOHNSON: I came across her profile on Christian Mingle, but I couldn’t think of a good opening line to say to her, so I just sent her a picture of my dick.

MRS. JOHNSON: I’d been getting all these boring messages from men talking about their education and background, and various hobbies that we had in common, but once I saw his dick I knew this was exactly the kind of man I wanted to marry and raise a family with!

RIGHT?!?

These are the kinds of deep thoughts that keep me up at night. . .

P.S. SERIOUSLY GUYS, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF.